


Tell Me of a Time When Things Could've Been Different

by muchofeels



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Character Death, M/M, Sad, slight AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-31
Updated: 2014-12-31
Packaged: 2018-03-04 12:14:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,452
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3067442
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/muchofeels/pseuds/muchofeels
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Dean is dying and Cas explains to him a course of events that would have made the end better. (I am so awful at summaries)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Tell Me of a Time When Things Could've Been Different

**Author's Note:**

> So basically, I hope this makes you cry.  
> If it does, tell me. Your tears fuel me.

Dean’s head rolled lazily to the side where he saw Cas. The angel looked to the human with pity in his eyes and a frown on his lips.

“Cas,” Dean began.

“Yes?”

“Tell me of a time when things could’ve been different.”

“You mean if this wasn’t your life?”

The hunter nodded.

“Well, in an alternate universe, you got everything you deserved.”

Dean searched Cas’ eyes for a hint of what those things were. When the other man remained silent Dean laughed quietly and said, 

“Are you gonna make me guess? I mean c’mon, man, I’m dying here. I just wanna be comforted.”

“I’m not allowed to divulge that information.”

“Where ‘m I suppose to go? My-” he winced in pain. “-back is broken and my phone is dead. It’s only me and you- please. Just tell me.”

“I have always thought you deserved more, Dean Winchester.” Cas began. “So when I pulled you from the pits of hell, I looked for a universe where you might just be happy. Where everything that happened to you, your brother, never happened and you were treated as you should be. Sam became a lawyer. Not just a lawyer- but a great one. There was one case where he proved this man innocent when everyone and the evidence proved otherwise. I… I witnessed the trial- he fights with everything he’s got and puts so much heart in it.”

“Jess is alive there. They got married and had two kids, another one on the way. A boy named Dean-” Cas smiled down at the hunter who managed to smile back. “-he is named that because of the fact that you’re Sam’s hero. He’s four now and his green eyes shine just like yours. They have a girl named Mary, you made them name her that after your late mother.”

“She still died?” Dean looked like he was on the verge of tears.

Cas nodded glumly. “But she passed when Sam was 10.”

He paused and then continued. “They don’t know that Jess is pregnant with their third right now, but it’s going to be another girl. This one will be named Alyssa and like her father, she’s going to be a lawyer.”

“Dad?”

“Some things cannot be different, Dean. After your mother passed away, he forced you boys into moving around and things were very difficult on both of you. He was more abusive, though. For three years you carried around bruises that you told people were from playing football.”

“In that universe, you’re more comfortable with who you are.”

Even in what could be his last moments, Dean tensed, knowing exactly what Cas meant.

“You came out as being bisexual when you were 25. Sam insisted that he knew, but he didn’t. He just didn’t care. You’d raised him to be expecting of all people, and he loved you, so why would he care? Your father didn’t believe you until you brought home a man named Jason for Christmas. He was a little uncomfortable but eventually got over it. Jason and you lasted for a year until you attempted suicide.”

“Why?”

“Why did you attempt suicide or why did you break up?”

“Both.”

“You’ve been depressed since you were very young- another thing that hasn’t changed between the two universes. Self-loathing and the feeling of worthlessness became too much and you couldn’t take it. So, you wrapped a rope around your neck. Jason came home, found you, drove you to the hospital, and then wrote you a letter for when you woke up. He explained how he didn’t know how to take care of a broken person and didn’t plan on learning how. He said he loved you, that he always would, but he had to leave.

“You read the note with tears in your eyes… and then the doctor entered.” Cas smiled at the ground and subconsciously submerged his fingers in Dean’s hair. “His name was Jimmy Novak.”

Dean’s coughed in surprise and then winced due to the pain in his back. “Jim- Jimmy Novak? As in your meat suit?”

The angel nodded. “The reason we are so drawn to each other is because of the alternate universe. His love for you flows through me and I myself have fallen in love with you.”

“Cas, I- I love you, too.”

He smiled sadly. “Let me finish telling you.”

Dean nodded.

“The first thing ever said to you was ‘If you’re crying because it didn’t work I’m going to put you in a medically induced coma.’”

Dean giggled. 

“You showed him the letter and he put a hand to your cheek and told you how Jason didn’t deserve you. He asked if this attempt was the first time you’d tried and you said yes, his response is actually what made you fall for him, he said ‘Well, I’m sorry you did this. But I’m so proud of you for making it this long.’ He checked in on you the rest of the week you were there, and spent more time in your room than he probably should’ve.

“On your last day, he asked you for coffee. You accepted. That was the last first date you ever had. You spent the rest of your lives together, adopted a girl who you named Anna. She became a writer- a very popular writer. You, and the rest of the family, were very proud of her.

“And the rest has yet to happen.”

Dean had his eyes closed but opened his mouth. “Cas, I need you to do me a favour.”

“Anything.”

“Kiss me.”

“Dean?”

“I’ve loved you since the first moment I saw you and this is going to be the last time. I don’t want to die knowing I never kissed you.”

Cas leaned in very close, their lips grazing and breath tangling. Finally, Dean closed the space between the two of them and pressed their lips together. It was slow and sweet and in all honesty, if Dean’s back wasn’t broken and he could actually feel his arms, he would’ve pulled Cas’ face closer to his and swirled his tongue around in the angel’s mouth.

But he was dying and in this moment which should have been one of the happiest, both men couldn’t stop their tears.

“Sorry.” Dean laughed as Cas wiped away the hunter’s liquid pain. “It’s just a little bittersweet.”

“I understand.”

Cas could feel the ominous grasp of death closing in on his emerald eyed love. He could do nothing to stop it except try to comfort him.

“Dean, I love you. I think you should know.”

“You can see the reaper, can’t you Cas?”

His silence answered the question.

“‘S alright. I’ve died a few times, I don’t fear him anymore.”

The angel looked up and his eyes met with an icy cloud that radiated gloom and despair. His breathing hitched and he grasped 

Dean’s hand tightly.

“Tell me you love me, too.” He pleaded.

Dean, barely holding on, managed an eerily beautiful smile that made Cas think maybe he was seeing his mother. But he also managed to open his mouth a speak. “Cas, I love you, too.”

And with that, Dean’s eyes drifted to the left a little and his muscles relaxed, the grip he had on Cas’ hand loosened.

Cas, barely holding in his anguish, used his hand to close the hunter’s eyes. Knowing that that would be that last time he would see those gems sparkle shook him to his core. He removed his head from his lap and carried Dean back to his precious Impala where he drove him to find Sam.

 

A month later, a funeral was held. A proper hunter’s burial at sunset. 

Sam kept one of Dean’s favourite shirts and Cas kept a box of things that Dean had gifted him.

The contents was a handwritten letter explaining how if Cas was reading this, he was dead and that he was sorry for not telling him he loved him earlier. One of his biggest regrets was not being able to spend time with him. The letter brought Cas to his knees. 

There was CD in there that neither of them knew had been taking, Cas thought that it had to be Gabriel’s doing, and it depicted one night where all they did was talk. It was nothing specific- it was just about everything. There was shirt, and the last thing in the box was the Samulet.

The angel slipped it on and to this day wears it under his button up. And night, when he’s alone, holds it to his lips and whispers sweet nothings to it, in hopes that there is somehow a way that his green eyed hunter can hear him.


End file.
